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Christmas Questions of the week

Tom — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 16:38:13 +0000

It is that time of the year where your brain, whilst still technically remaining attached to your head, takes leave and goes off on an early vacation. Mine is currently swimming in the Algarve. It can be very frustrating as the rest of me is desperately trying to keep up with the last few items of work that need to be completed before I can escape for the Christmas break.

Thinking is very important - Try it!

I have tried numerous ways to keep my grey matter flexing and have taken to asking it a number of difficult questions in the hope that it will keep it’s focus. So here are some brain testing questions that should help you focus in the final slog to Christmas:

Jaffa Cake – Cake or biscuit?

Why are curtains so important to women?

Where have all the cowboys gone?

What’s new pussycat?

Why does it smell like rain?

Why don’t Australians fall off the other side of the world?

What is Pluto? A dog or a horse? Then why does he go out with Daisy? That’s a bit weird.

What happens to the hole when the cheese is gone?

How many hindu gods are there?

What was Hitler’s middle name?

Why can’t cats lay eggs?

Why is David Lynch so popular?

What have goats testicles got to do with skiing?

Why is AIDs worse in Africa?

Why does the length get longer when you measure it more accurately?

What is the point of Canada?

Get you brain into gear and it should help see you through. I hope these questions have helped you.

What happens to firework sticks?

Tom — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 16:18:35 +0000

Last night the British sky exploded with an orgy of fireworks. People across the country celebrated the anniversary of the world’s most famous execution by burning effigies and pounding the sky with explosives. It is the one time of the year where people are able to quell their pyromaniac cravings and re-enact execution. And we love it. But amongst all of this magnificent splendour and excitement there is there is tragedy.

The horrific truth - a young firework stick - abandoned and left for dead.

The thrill of releasing a rocket the size of a cannonball into the sky and watching it detonate into a thousand glorious fizzing shards of light is almost as good as it gets.

The humble stick that plays the most important role of guiding and supporting the firework to ultimate glory is neglected; rejected; and ignored. Whilst people scream, cheer and applaud they never consider poor little firework stick. Each year on November the 6th the dawn sun rises revealing the true extent of the massacre. Thousands of wounded fireworks sticks are left scorched, battered and broken on roofs, gutters and fields across the land. Poor little firework sticks.

I ask you good kindly people to consider the feelings of these poor little blighters and if you are to find one on your journey home this evening be compassionate. Pick them up; hug them; tell them God loves them. Remind them that the world is a fickle and twisted place but that they should endeavour to remain strong and that even at their lowest point hope will see them through. Provide the support for them that they provided to the rocket head because by God they need it.

Next time you watch fireworks think of the sticks.

Why is Chicago called the ‘Windy City’?

Tom — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 09:00:32 +0000

Chicago; the home of Barack Obama; ER; and2.8 million people . The centre of jazz; the birthplace of the deepdish pizza and during the 1920’s the epicentre of organised crime. America’s second city has all the grandeur of it’s elder brother yet is friendlier and noticeably more relaxed.

So why is it called the windy city? It is famous for having torrid winters and bitter springs however the reference to it being windy is not related to the stiff breeze that slips off lake Michigan. Instead it is a reference to the City’s politicians and their boastful speeches about the city. In 1858 an argument began between Chicago and it’s rival Cincinnati. Politicians from each city claimed that theirs was the best. As a response to jibes from Cincinnati The Chicago Tribune wrote an article ‘from the Windy City’ and the nickname stuck.